My Mum sadly passed away on the 24th February, 2024. She was 99 and had a long life although very challenging.
My tribute to my mum is as follows. It also includes tributes from my son and daughter, Rory and Holly.
Thank you everybody for coming here today to honour and celebrate the life of our mother, Margaret Jean Rudderham.
My name is Jane Spillane and I am Margaret’s eldest daughter.
I’d like to share with you some parts of our mother’s life that created the woman that we all knew in later life.
She was shaped by a hard life and difficult times, a strict upbringing and a war period that influenced the way she led her life.
Mum was born on 4 September 1924 in Shanghai, China to Arthur Robert Smith and Annie Kerr Beck.
She was an only child. At the age of 4 mum and her parents set sail for the UK for surgery that her mother desperately needed. Sadly my grandmother, mums mum, passed away during the voyage, and in those days, the body was buried at sea. Mum still has the coordinates of where her mother is buried somewhere near Singapore.
On arrival in the UK mum then went to live with her 3 maiden aunts as her father went back to the merchant navy. She didn’t see her father again until she was 12 years old.
At the age of 8 mum was sent to Doctor Williams boarding school at Dollgelley in Wales. Mum loved the boarding school and made some lifelong friendships, the closest being with her friend Melda. After Meldas migration to Canada, they spoke together every 2 weeks until Meldas passing last October.
Holidays from the boarding school were spent with the families of her friends and cousins. Anything to avoid staying with her 3 maiden aunts, so she told me!
She was brought up in a very strict household where little girls were seen and not heard and where you took your shoes off at the front door. Life was challenging for her. Her guardians had planned for her to go to university after finishing school, but mum had other ideas. She thought it would be much more fun to run off and join the Wrens much to the shock of her aunts.. She often sat with me and recounted stories of the war days. Mum said they were the best days of her life, you lived for the moment, you went to dances every night, and then the Americans arrived with chocolate and stockings. What more could a girl want! She still has ration books and mementos of the war at home.
During the war she met Peter, the first love of her life, but war separated them as happened to many couples at that time. Mum was devastated but then went on to meet my father, James Rhodes, whom she married and the marriage produced 3 lovely children, my sister Wendy, my brother Mark and of course myself. The marriage was challenging and lasted 32 years.
Mums early working life was spent working in my dad’s shoe repair shop often sewing shoes into the late hours of the night after having fed and got us 3 children off to bed. Latterly she worked for British Transport hotels as a PA at St Pancras Chambers. These offices are now a hotel and for mums 90th birthday we went on a tour of the hotel. The guide was showing us one of the suites when mum piped up that that room used to be her office! That changed the tour somewhat!!
The second love of mums life was Harry and they were in their early 50’s when they met. Harry had 2 children, Lesley and Mike, whom mum embraced as part of her family. Mum and Harry were very happy together and shared a love of playing bowls and were very active in the local bowls club. Mum was involved in making afternoon teas well in to her nineties, even when she no longer played bowls.
Mum and Harry had a great sense of adventure. They bought a caravan and travelled with friends all over the UK and Europe. They also loved cruising and traveled all over the world together. They travelled to Australia to visit my family and loved the life there, so much so that they came back on several occasions for a few months at a time. They even became involved in the local bowls club near my home in Perth. They loved being with their friends and entertained a lot at home. Sadly Harry passed away when he was only 72. However mum thrived , in her own way – always keeping busy, never feeling sorry for herself. She and her friend Joyce travelled together every year either to Switzerland or on a cruise to Europe. Mum joined the Theatre Club and was a regular at all the London shows.
Mums last visit to Australia was in 2020 at the grand old age of 96 when she flew to Perth for my son, Rory’s wedding. Nothing was going to stop her coming out for that! And she had her 2 great granddaughters and her 6 month old great grandson there as well. She was in her element. When asked about how she coped with the flight, her reply was that it was fine but she was a bit bored because she didn’t know how to use the inflight entertainment and wasn’t sure how to recline her seat. She hadn’t wanted to bother the crew to ask them to show her what to do.
Mum was as sharp as a tack. She played the old age card on a regular basis and as a result was always first off the plane. She’d appear from customs being pushed in a wheelchair, and on seeing us, would hop out and thank the staff member who would be in shock at her sudden return to a sprightly old lady.
I remember taking mum with a friend of mine to Rottnest, an island 20kms from Perth. We were the first to board the ferry due to mum discreetly telling the boarding staff that she was 96 and needed to sit down. When we arrived at the pub on the island which was absolutely full, we left her in the middle of the pub garden and within minutes she had secured a table for us all. She would have a grin on her face and say that sometimes there’s benefits to being old.
Mum loved animals, and always had a dog at home until recent years. She’d stop in the streets to pat a dog rather than engage with a human. My friends Jen and Gary have a dog called Harley in Australia and we joked that mum would rather spend time with Harley than with Jen and Gary.. The three of us would facetime mum and have Harley there for her to say hello to!
Mum was always happy to give advice. I remember when my friend Elaine and I were sitting in the kitchen at the ripe old age of 15 discussing the perfect man for us. He was going to have to be tall, dark and handsome and very rich. Mum was working away in the background and suddenly pipes up “The only place you’ll find a man like that is down the road at the cemetery!
I borrowed mums car one evening not long after getting my licence and had a small accident on the way home. I was terrified about telling mum so on arriving home and explaining that something terrible had happened, she stopped her housework and looked at me very shocked and said “You’re not pregnant are you?” She was so relieved when I explained about the accident that I got off very lightly.
My lasting memories of Mum are simple: a hard working, intelligent woman who never stopped in her support or love of her family and who soldiered on, even when times were tough.
It is an honour to stand before you and share my precious memories of our mother. She will be missed by all, but her memory will live on in us all forever.
My daughter Holly has asked me to share some of her special memories with her nanna.
Holly says:-
When I look back over the course of my life, Nanna was pivotal, she features in the best memories of my child hood holidays, trips to Perth over the summer, family weddings, enjoying my first born son, seeing her delight in her name being in her great grand daughters name. There’s plenty of memories I’ll cherish. There’s many moments I am grateful to have shared with my dear Nanna, but here’s a few noteworthy. I feel lucky to have reflected on these with Nanna when I was in England 18 months ago.
* My earliest child hood memories is where Nanna would get us money out of the bank, give us some pounds, and we’d set off with Harry and the dog down to the old Balfour newsagent. It would only be 8am ish- and we’d buy lollies and enjoy some of the finest UK treats
* Nannas lunches- the beautiful fresh bread, shaved ham, and lunch treats she would put on for us each day, with a dining table complete with a beautiful table cloth. I remember the linen napkins.. very stylish for my brother and I who were only young at the time
* Nanna’s choc crunch slice- its my favourite to this day, And later as we grew into young adults, spending time with my cousin Jaymie re-making this slice (me watching, Jaymie making) added to the memory bank
* The stockpile of freezer supplies- where do I start, Nanna imported the whole of Harpenden into her freezer, but the mars bar and snickers ice-creams were the notable purchases
* Exploring Marks and Sparks- this was a journey throughout my whole life, my first memories were buying me winter dresses, and my most recent memories were shopping with Nanna to buy clothes for my children. She loved a good trip to Marks and Spencer!
* Going through old records in the dining room- this took us back down memory lane, and I will cherish the few I travelled back to Australia with.
* Trawling photo albums- Nann loved sharing the twists and turns of her life. We used to look at old family albums and she’d share memories with me. The last time we saw each other, we sat on her bed, chatted about life and its adventures, twists and turns, and trawled our way back through her photo albums. She shared her memories of the war, what seemed to be some of the best times of her life. She shared the sliding doors story about her first love, and perhaps her greatest love in life. She sat with a smile, she reminisced.
Nanna- I know you wanted to rest peacefully and although it will be hard to return back to Harpenden without you there, I find peace knowing you’re having a drink with some of the most special people in my life- you’re all there together, smiling. I can’t wait until our next catch up Nanna. Love Holly
Eulogy for nanna
Nanna, Nan, Nanna Marg
Hi everyone, I’m Rory Cook and Margaret Rudderham was my Nanna. She was Nanna Marg to my daughters, Matilda and Poppy.
Growing up in Perth, Western Australia I only
had one grandparent that I knew. I was unfortunate not to meet my other grandmother, and she passed before I was born. I don’t have any memories of my grandfathers, as I was only a baby when I met them. That didn’t faze me at all, because I had Nanna.
Growing up I remember every year eagerly awaiting our annual trips to England to see our family. It was such a familiar and warming feeling turning into Grove Avenue heading up the hill to nannas house. It felt like Home away from home.
One of my favourite and most memorable trips to England, was when I came over by myself to stay with nanna for three weeks. I have never been spoilt more in my life. Every morning I’d wake to the smell of Bacon cooking in lard, accompanied by eggs, and whatever extras nanna thought I might want. Nanna also made sure I went home to Australia with a complete new wardrobe of clothes. Not only did I get spoilt rotten and waited on hand and foot that trip, but it was the quality one on one time with nanna that I cherished the most. Most nights I would sit in Harry’s chair sipping his old port talking to nanna about her childhood and what it was like for her growing up. In these stories, I got to learn about the daily challenges she faced and how she overcame them. I took so much away from our conversations, and now when faced with challenges and adversity think about Nanna and how she would approach the situation. Nothing was too hard for her.
Nanna, at 96 you flying across the world to attend my wedding was a crazy thought to most people. Not to me, I know how strong and determined you are and how much you wanted to be there. it meant so much to me you coming out to watch me get married and to spend time with my family. I’ll never forget that.
Thanks for always being the most amazing Nanna in the world. Thanks for loving me unconditionally and never judging me and always having my back. I hope you are now resting peacefully and enjoying some time with Harry and Ben . Love you always nanna
Rest in peace mum xxx